A few weeks ago I found myself staring at this cover in a stack of DVDs. I’d never heard of Automation Transfusion before, but thought if it was being called “the best zombie films in decades” by anyone I figured it was worth checking out. I admit it, I fell for the packaging and damn am I kicking myself for that. It’s not the worst zombie film I’ve ever seen, but it’s close. The single saving grace is that it has boobies about 5 minutes in, and yeah, that’s pretty much it. If you decide to subject yourself to this, here are some of the fun things you can expect:

• A soundtrack that you will swear is the same song over and over and over again, but be delighted to find out during the credits is actually about 90 different songs all written and performed by the same dude
• Zombie attacks from the first few seconds in without any concern for story about how or why or build up or anything
• Circular blood splatters, you know the kind you might get if squirting fake blood out of a water bottle. Yeah. Those.
• The never before seen device of people showing up in an empty town, with no one for blocks and blocks, just long enough for them to wonder why it’s all vacant, and then getting swarmed by hordes of zombies.
• Did I mention no build up or hint where the zombies came from? Right, they are just everywhere all the sudden.
• When they do find a survivor they are in a shop, for several minutes alone before a dude jumps out from behind a counter yelling at them asking who they are. What was he asleep the the last 5 minutes while they just explained it all out loud?
• And then, that same very coherent shop owner suddenly turns into a blubbering mess who can’t form a sentence because he’s so scared and distraught or something.
• Which, by the way, it’s impossible to believe on any level.
• Oh and you know how zombies typically aren’t very much in the “thinking” department, like, that’s kinda the whole premise of the genre? Yeah, well in this film the zombies have dead blank faces until someone sees them, and then they snarl like an attack dog before launching at them, reaching inside their chests and pulling out their still beating hearts and then eating those. Yeah.
• Did I mention that a zombie rips out someones heart? Because that’s kind of a hard one to swallow.
• The zombies also bounce from stumbling mindless corpses to super attack running mode depending on the demeanor of the characters in the scene.
• Was there a plot somewhere?
• Oh, and also there’s this lake scene where the zombie is clearly a huge Friday the 13th fan.
• This is an actual line from one survivor to the other – “shhhh… they can smell us!”
• In another brilliant scene, the survivors walk into a room full of dead bodies, they step over them and across them until they get to the middle of the room, at which point, in unison, all the bodies come to life at once. Really.
• And when they finally do explain where the zombies came from… oh hell I can’t even bring myself to write that.
• And how about the end? Want me to spoil that too? Well to bad, because this ends without an ending – it’s to be continued right at a major scene. Seriously. Cock. Tease.

So, after watching this horrid thing I decided to look around online and try to find out WTF these people were thinking and I found a bunch of articles about it being painfully low budget and brand new directors and actors and everything which kinda made me feel bad about hating it so much. But then I thought about it it doesn’t take cash to have an original idea. It doesn’t take experience to make something engaging. And this isn’t being marketed as some n00bs first time shot, it’s being marketed as the end all be all of zombie films which can only leave a viewer disappointed. It’s really a horrible, terrible, piece of crap film. I’m sure they tried real hard and all, but it wasn’t enough.

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