There are some places tourists shouldn't go. Like, Brazil
When the movie “Hostel” was made, the city of Bratislava, Slovakia was understandably a bit…angry…with director Eli Roth. They invited Roth to Slovakia, considered threatening legal action, and probably thought about chaining him to a table to disembowel him. (I’m taking a wild stab with that last one, with my limited knowledge of Bratislava.)
When the movie “Turistas” was made, Brazil, on which the movie “Turistas” is based, threw up it’s collective hands and said “Okay, you got us.” A quote, if you will, from the Brazilian Tourism Board: “We hope moviegoers will be inspired to learn more about Brazil…”. No bitching. No “Hey, don’t forget that we gave you Pelé.” No defense.
Take into account that Brazilian murder rates have been compared to war zone like highs. The Tourism Board accepts this.
Enough about facts, figures and me planning my next vacation to Iraq; on to the movie. Turistas was directed by one John Stockwell, of “Blue Crush” and “Crazy/Beautiful” um…fame, I guess you would call it. Turistas is about the organ harvesting legend, as experienced by a group of oversexed, drunk idiots who I’m pretty sure I would have wished involuntary, sans-anesthesia, organ donation right here in the US of A.
It's cool, these guys know where the party's at.
I wouldn’t join this group on a trip to the bathroom much less a trip to Brazil. After awhile you figure that if they didn’t die in this manner, they were just going to fall to their deaths out of a window or off a sidewalk, so you don’t mind their fates so much. There’s really not much else to it. I’d like to give you more plot than “Americans practically ask politely to walk into the trap of organ stealing murderers”, but that really is it. Hope I didn’t spoil it for you. They get a little nervous from time to time, but quickly brush it off. Rationality is for losers who don’t know how to P.A.R.T.Y., do lots and lots of drugs, get robbed by locals and wonder why it all happened to them. The ending will leave you in hysterics. Kidding.
This is the only natural next step in directorial evolution I would assume for the director of Blue Crush. I read an interview featuring Mr. Stockwell, an act you should never, ever attempt yourself. Remember in high school when the head cheerleader had to give a book report? It was like, you know, like, well, yeah, uh *pops gum*….like that.
Quoth the Stockwellnator: “I always loved Deliverance. Not that this is it, but I loved the idea of people going into a situation which they think is going to be one thing…” I’m going to stop you right there, John. First things first, if someone goes into a situation like, say, Brazil, and they aren’t even a little bit concerned that shit could go down, they are terrible Googlers and haven’t picked up a newspaper – ever.
Second, let’s take a look at what “Turistas” and “Deliverance” have in common.
All Star Cast – Deliverance, not Turistas
Oscar Nominations – Deliverance, not Turistas
Burt Reynolds – Deliverance, not Turistas
Anyone being asked to squeal like a certain ungulate – Deliverance, not Turistas
Ability to hold my interest – Deliverance, not Turistas
If we both agree that Deliverance and Turistas have nothing in common, why do you bring it up? No worries, John, surely you can rely on a stellar script, true thespians and excellent cinamotography to be your saving grace. No? Oh. Well, you got boobs in there right? Okay! I tip my hat to you. All is forgiven.
One last quote: “The best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing… but the worst thing is nothing.” – Crazy, organ thieving guy
I’ll be sure to write that down.
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